Queer women share the stupidest things people ask them
Lesbian, bisexual and trans women are sharing the stupidest things people ask them.
UK students and LGBT+ influencers made the video to celebrate National Student Pride which runs from Friday to Sunday (21 to 23 February) in London.
They highlight questions and comments they hear on a daily basis. Some of the worst things people ask queer women include ‘how does sex work for two women?’ and ‘who’s the man and who’s the woman?’.
Others ask: ‘If you’re dating a masculine woman, why don’t you just date a man?’
‘Are you going through a phase?’
So nobody ever feels they have to ask the questions again, the team knocks each one down.
First off: ‘Who wears the pants? Who is the man and who is the woman?’
Abby Robson replies: ‘There is not a man and a woman in this relationship. We are two women and so the dynamic is obviously so different.’
The women say people also often ask them: ‘Are you going through a phase?’
Imogen, also known as Foxgluvv, responds: ‘We have been together for nearly seven years now. So it’s a long phase.’
And Cambell Kenneford adds: ‘I came out as a gay male and then as transgender. And then I started to like women. So it’s always been like “you’ve changed” but actually we are evolving as people all the time. So it’s definitely not a phase.’
Another common question is: ‘How does sex work for two women?’
And Ellis Cooper says: ‘Guys are like, “so scissoring…” I’m like, “dude, come on”. I’ve never even done it.’
Olga Maksimovica comments the question is particularly wrong out of context.
She says: ‘I think if it’s a close friend, it’s fine. But I was asked that at work.’
‘You just haven’t found the right man’
More shockingly still, the women say people comment: ‘If you are dating a masculine woman, why not just date a man?’
As Foxgluvv puts it: ‘For us being lesbians, the whole point is that we aren’t in a relationship with a man. It’s not to do with any “parts”. It’s about being with a specific gender.’
Finally, and on the same lines, people often remark: ‘Maybe you just haven’t found the right man.’
But as Olga Maksimovica says: ‘Yeah, it’s not what I’m looking for. It’s been difficult because I grew up in a country that doesn’t really think the same as people do here. And so you look for that right man. And then you just get hurt more over time because it’s not what you want.’
‘Unless I’m sharing that with you, there’s no need to ask’
The video also tackles some of the big questions trans women are asked.
One is: ‘What was your name before?’
In fact, trans men and women often call their past names ‘dead names’ and it can be hurtful to ask them about it.
As Talula Eve says: ‘I always get that one. I hated my name before.’
Likewise, they discuss why it’s wrong and weird for people to ask to see photos of them before transition.
On which subject, people also tend to ask: ‘Have you had the surgery?’
As Cambell Kenneford says, people would not ask a cisgender [non-trans] person about their genitals.
She adds: ‘It’s private. And unless I’m sharing that with you, there’s no need to ask.’
You can watch the full video here:
Student Pride 2020
Organizers expect over 1,800 students from 190 universities across the UK to join the National Student Pride weekend.
The highlights include the free Student Pride day at the University of Westminster in London on Saturday (22 February).
Guest speakers at the event will include Oscar-winning film-maker and Tom Daley’s husband Dustin Lance Black, TV doctor Ranj Singh and BBC news presenter Evan Davis.
The event will also host a discussion following up on the video, called Womxn: Carving Out Space.
Afterwards, students will party at legendary London LGBT+ club G-A-Y Heaven with The Pussycat Dolls performing live.
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Author: Tris Reid-Smith